


Luxord Takes A Bath

by GalacticGoldfish



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Crack, Gen, don't take this seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 20:16:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17731934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalacticGoldfish/pseuds/GalacticGoldfish
Summary: If god didn't want me to write this then he would have cut off my hands





	Luxord Takes A Bath

**Author's Note:**

> special shout out to bayandcreek on twitter for helping this become a reality, without u luxord might never have gotten his bath.

Considering the fact that he was benched there wasn't really much else for Demyx to be doing. That's why when he was wandering around it was the awful stench that hit his nose before it hit anyone else. To be fair he was pretty sure that anyone else who would have smelled it probably would have died. Unfortunately he was used to dealing with the garbage job so he had something of a tolerance for it all. After all going to Hades with all of that sulfur had been the worst thing he'd thought. Unfortunately he had finally found something that smelled worse than that.

 **"I think I'm gonna be sick..."** Demyx quickly tried to clamp his nose shut but then found breathing through his mouth meant that he could taste whatever the hell it was. **"I'm gonna vomit."** He felt nauseous and leaned against the wall a bit when someone else turned the corner. The source of the smell it seemed was a slightly damp Luxord and the closer he got the worst Demyx felt about the entire thing. But somehow Luxord didn't seem to notice that anything was wrong. Even though the smell was coming from him Demyx was pretty sure that he should smell _something_ wrong.

 **"Hey uh dude... You looking for the showers or something?"** Demyx didn't really want to hang around with talking the guy but he had to know that he was going to at least go bathe right this second. But he was horrified at the response he got instead. **"Aye, I'll get 'round to it eventually."** Luxord seemed unconcerned with the fact that he smelled like a barrel of dead fish it seemed. The only response Demyx could come up with was a disgusted squeak as he gestured towards the other man. 

**"What do you mean eventually?"** Demyx could feel his voice break again, both in disgust and fear that someone he was mildly associated with could stand to walk around like that for any extended period of time. As someone who thought that even the mildest amount of sweat was a disgusting and grave, not to mention heterosexual, sin he couldn't fathom someone like Luxord wanting to stay in this state. His brain felt like it was about to be fried. He expected something like this from Xigbar... But Luxord?

Demyx watched in disgust as Luxord gave his damp coat a disinterested sniff. **"I've smelled worse, I'll be fine for a few more days."** Luxord turned on his heel and started to walk away again. Something that Demyx absolutely was not going to allow. Not when that meant Luxord would be stinking up the place for a few more... Days? **"This is it. I'm going to go feral. This is the last straw to break my domesticity. Congrats Xehanort you finally broke me into action."** Demyx muttered to himself as he grabbed onto the hood of what could only be described as a slimy feeling cloak.

After this he would have to take at least three showers and a bath or two himself. Even then he feared that the smell would never come off just from touching part of Luxord's filthy body with his hand. Luxord made a shocked sound as Demyx began to drag him in another direction, for a moment too shocked to really say anything it seemed. **"What are you doing?"** The words out of Luxord's mouth were a mixture of confusion and anger as he continued to be tugged along by Demyx. Though he tried to turn so that he could face forward instead of being dragged backwards.

 **"I don't care what you say you're not walking around headquarters smelling like something that died."** Or rather something that died, came back to life and then died again. That was a lot more accurate it seemed than just someone just dying. That he could probably tolerate. It probably didn't smell any worse than Hades did. **"I said I would tak-"** But Luxord's protests were cut short by Demyx nearly choking him to death with the collar of his cloak. **"Talk, talk, talk all you want but I would rather become Xehanort's heart bag right now rather than have to suffer through smelling you for any longer!"**

********

********

That seemed to be enough to shut up Luxord for the moment as Demyx dragged him into his living quarters. Only to be floored by what he saw. Piles of cloaks everywhere, trash on the floor... It smelled like the perfume counter of a department store. Overwhelmingly and sickeningly disgusting between the trash on the floor and the fact that there didn't actually seem to be a bed? What the hell was Luxord sleeping on? Unless it was the larger pile of cloaks that seemed to be sitting in the corner of the room.

 **"I've never hated a person in my life Luxord but you're walking a fine line between tolerable and making me want to go ape shit."** Finally Demyx let go of the hood and tried not to touch anything else. Who knew when the last time Luxord had done laundry and he wasn't about to dive down that rabbit hole yet. Pushing open the door to Luxord's bathroom he was mildly surprised that it was clean. Well, cleaner than his room at least. There was a towel on the floor that he was pretty sure was piled with mildew. But the smell from Luxord's room made it hard to smell.

 **"You are going to get in there, you are going to take a shower, with soap!"** Demyx looked around to see if Luxord actually had any soap and just when he thought his disappointment couldn't actually get any higher he saw it. 3-in-1 body shampoo, shampoo and conditioner. If he wasn't so sure that he would get some sort of eye infection Demyx would have covered his face when he screamed in frustration. He felt like he was going to have an aneurism or something at this point. 

**"Don't go anywhere. Don't think about going anywhere just, stop everything and pretend you're a human being because even if you are a Nobody there is absolutely no reason for this level of evil."** With a snap of his fingers Demyx opened up a portal to darkness and stepped through, leaving Luxord there to ponder what the hell just happened. He gave himself another sniff while waiting for whatever Demyx was about to do and found himself still confused about what the big deal was.

He had smelled way worse when he had been out on the sea. If Demyx got out more often then maybe his nose wouldn't be so sensitive? Just as he was about to leave and face whatever Demyx's wrath could possibly be later the other blond reappeared with his arms full. **"You're going to use soap! You're going to use shampoo! You're going to use conditioner! In that order!"** He didn't care if he had to sit outside the door and wait for Luxord to finish, essentially wasting the rest of his day. Not that he had a lot planned anyways. A nap, a snack... Then probably another nap.

Demyx shoved the various cleaning agents into Luxord's arms with a stern look on his face. Something that probably seemed a little bit out of place if they were being honest. Stern wasn't exactly something that came along often for the goofy man but he wasn't about to deal with this any longer. **"And you are NOT going to put that filthy robe back on! You will get a clean one and that is that!"** Luxord looked over the bottles in his hands as he tried to comprehend what was going on.

 **"But wouldn't a 3-in-1 be better than using a bunch of different ones though?"** Luxord was mostly musing to himself but that didn't mean that Demyx couldn't hear him. **"Don't you ever, ever, ever, utter that blasphemy again or I will personally see you perish into darkness Luxord."** Finally Demyx turned on his heel to leave the bathroom, leaving Luxord to contemplate exactly where he had gone wrong in his life to end up in this sort of situation. While he wasn't afraid of Demyx that didn't mean he wanted the bench warmer to continuously bother him either. He could at least indulge him. Just this once. At least he hoped it would only be this once...

With the door shut behind him and being able to hear the water running finally, Demyx let out a sigh of frustration to try and calm himself. This entire thing was absolutely ridiculous and not how he wanted to learn that other members of his team were disgusting pigs. He expected this from some people but... Not a fellow gay? He had heard of sloppy gays before but this was completely out of line. No wonder Luxord couldn't actually get a date. Though with the state of this room he wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy. 

There was work to be done here. God he hated work so much. But he wasn't going to let these crimes continue to stand. After Luxord finished learning about personal hygeine he would just have to... Move quickly on to the next stage of learning to take care of yourself.


End file.
